Acclimatization
by Louie0228
Summary: They are sure that it is what they both want, their journey has been long and complicated but now they are here can they make it work? Follows the ups and downs of Sam and Addison's new relationship. Story has evolved to include other characters too.
1. Acclimatization Chapter One: Waiting

**Chapter One: Waiting.**

Sam exhaled deeply as Addison broke their kiss and smiled down at him. He never thought he would experience this moment, he had wanted to, really wanted to, but lately he had started to resign himself to the fact that she didn't......couldn't want him.

"Do you remember what you said to me once? The night after you agreed to let Maya marry Dink" she smiled, her trademark cheeky grin spreading across her face.

Sam blushed, he knew what she was referring to, his boldness, his oh so embarrassing, cringe worthy boldness.

Addison noticed the blush in his cheeks as an embarrassed smile spread across his face and his lips parted in the Sam Bennett smile that made her melt. She knew he was embarrassed about it, knew it had taken him all his courage to do it in the first place and although it so wasn't Sam she had thought it was cute.

"You said," Addison whispered as she leaned closer to his ear "that you were going to take me to your bedroom and take off all my cl…" Addison did not get the chance to finish her sentence as Sam scooped her up from the sofa; she let out a high-pitched giggle as he carried her towards the stairs.

Once inside the bedroom he carefully threw her onto the bed and landed on top of her, she moaned as she felt the weight of his body pressing down on her.

"Wait," she gasped "I should get my phone, I told the hospital to call if Maya needed anything."

She gave him a lingering kiss before leaving him and heading downstairs to retrieve her top before nipping over to her house to pick up her phone. Her forgetfulness would have to spoil the moment she thought as she hurriedly scuttled across Sam's deck towards her own house.

Having picked up her phone Addison made her way back to Sam's bedroom, nothing was going to delay this any longer, she…..they had waited long enough.

As she opened the bedroom door and slid inside she could see that wait was exactly what she would have to do as there on the bed, fully clothed, lay a very sexy, very irresistible and a very much asleep Sam Bennett. Addison let out a long sigh and couldn't help but smile as she thought about how this moment summed up her current love life. As she looked at Sam she realised what a long day it had been for him, performing extensive heart surgery was hard enough but seeing his daughter and granddaughter bought back from the edge as well as losing a friend was enough to make anyone collapse into a deep sleep.

Addison removed her shoes and quietly padded across the wooden floor towards the bed, she gently placed her phone on the nightstand and lowered herself down next to Sam's sleeping form. She instantly felt the heat radiating from him and moved her body closer until the space between them disappeared; she wrapped her arms around him and sank back into the bed. Sam gave a slight moan as he attempted to say something.

"Shhh," soothed Addison as she stroked his arm "you need to get some sleep."

Sam's body relaxed again and he let his head sink into Addison's chest. It wasn't long before Addison too was fast asleep.


	2. Acclimatization Chapter Two:Wake up Call

Addison slowly opened her eyes as her brain searched for what had caused her to wake up from a much needed sleep. She rolled over and groped around the nightstand as she realised it was the shrill ringing of her phone that had woken her up. Her thoughts quickly turned to Maya as she retrieved the phone and sat up, she had told the hospital to call her if Maya so much as coughed during the night. She looked at the caller ID, Cooper.

"Hi Cooper" she answered sliding back down under the duvet.

"Addison," he answered "where are you?"

Addison turned her head to look at a sleepy eyed Sam lying next to her; the phone must have woken him too.

"I'm...erm..." she stopped to clear her throat, they hadn't decided about this yet, about telling their friends, their family "I'm at home, why?"

"It's just that Violet thinks we should clear out Dell's office today, she thinks it will help us come to terms with..."

"Sure, I'll be there," she replied before Cooper could say the words she knew they were all avoiding "I'll be right over."

After ending the call she reached over and put the phone back on the night stand before turning back to Sam.

"Morning" she smiled at him.

"Morning fibber" he smiled back.

Addison blushed a little, she'd made a great start to this relationship; she'd only been with Sam for five minutes he already thought she was a liar.

"I'm sorry, I just..I didn't know if we..." she tried to explain

Sam smiled, he loved that he got to see this side of her, the side no one else saw, the vulnerable, fallible side of a world class surgeon.

"I was kidding," he smiled as he pulled her towards him. She smiled as she saw the kindness in his eyes. "Let's just have us for a while," he smiled as he ran his hands over her soft bare shoulders "let's get used to us first."

Addison felt a wave of relief wash over her as Sam spoke; she hadn't ruined things between them, he still wanted her. She felt the warmth of his breath as he closed the gap between their bodies and she welcomed his kiss as his lips softly met hers. As the kiss deepened Sam ran his fingers through her hair; finally he had what he wanted.

Addison felt her skin begin to tingle as Sam's tongue traced the line of her bottom lip, she took a deep breath as she felt her body respond to Sam's touch; they had waited so long for this. However, Sam flopped, defeated, into his pillow as he realised they would have to wait for a little longer. Addison reached over his body and grabbed his phone from the night stand, as she expected, Cooper's name flashed on the screen. Addison planted a quick kiss on Sam's lips before passing him his phone and heading off towards the bathroom to get ready to head over to the practice.


	3. Acclimatization Chapter Three: Isolation

"How's Maya?" Violet asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"She's good," replied Sam "I called the hospital on the way over and they said she had a good night"

"Great" smiled Violet as she leant against the kitchen counter. She looked around at the people sitting in front of her; her friends. They all had their troubles, had all been broken in the past, had hurt each other but, as the last 24 hours had shown, they were there, they cared. She knew clearing Dell's office would be hard but they had to do it, the longer they left it the harder it would become to admit he was gone, the more guilty they would feel for removing his stuff. She smiled to herself as she sipped her coffee, in his death Dell had bought them all together; Naomi and Pete had cleared their schedules and come up from downstairs, Addison and Naomi were in the same room and her and Pete had bathed their son together this morning.

"Right guys shall we..." Violet said, instantly changing the atmosphere of the room. She knew she would have to be the one to instigate this, to support them, to be strong.

With a several mutters of agreement they all made their way to Dell's office.

Dell's office seemed even smaller without him; as if he had bought it to life somehow. They all looked around; they didn't know where to start.

"We could put his books in the lobby" Naomi suggested "then we could all use them."

"Hmm, yeah, good idea" came a medley of voices from within the room.

"We could ask around, see if anyone could make use of his desk" Cooper suggested.

"I don't know" replied an unsure Sam "It would kind of feel weird offering his stuff to people…"

"It's better than wasting it Sam" Naomi's voice was friendly as she spoke.

Sam nodded as he considered her objection, she was right, Dell would want someone to do something to help other people.

The room fell silent as they all realised that this was going to be harder than they had imagined.

"Right," came Charlotte's authoritive voice "we all loved Dell, we all feel bad giving his stuff away but I think we all agree that we don't actually need all this furniture so why don't we sell things like the furniture, the fixtures and fittings and send the money to Betsy, I think Dell would approve."

Everyone in the room nodded quietly, it was useful having someone strong and in control of their emotions at times like this.

"Is everyone happy with that?" Violet asked the group. She met by a chorus of nods and agreement.

After an hour of virtually silent work all that remained in the small room that had once been Dell's office was a bookcase, desk, sofa, selection of lamps and pictures and two chairs. It seemed strange seeing the office slowly transform back into the lifeless cupboard it had been before Dell had moved into it, in fact they had all forgotten that it was ever anything other than Dell's office. Violet stood up and looked around the room, with a sigh she picked up a picture of Betsy and Dell that was still standing on the desk. She wondered how Betsy would grow up, how she would cope with losing her mother and father, whether it would make her stronger or if it would be something that would break her, not straight away but later, when she had children of her own, when she was old enough to realise what life had dealt her.

"We can finish up here" Pete said motioning to towards Sam and Cooper as he placed his hand soothingly on Violet's shoulder, you girls go and take a break.

"Yeah we can finish off here." Cooper agreed.

"If you're sure…."Naomi began.

"Go." Said Pete ushering them out of the door.

Violet, Naomi, Charlotte and Addison left the room and headed towards the kitchen.

"I'm just going to pop downstairs," Naomi said as she headed towards the elevator "just to check things aren't falling apart without me." She said jokingly.

Addison smiled as she saw straight through her best friend, Naomi was going downstairs to 'check' on Fife and there was little she could do to disguise the fact. Addison smiled to herself as she watched Naomi press the button and wait for elevator. Addison, also desperate for some time alone made her own excuses to head to the quiet sanctuary of her office.

"I'm just going to go check my emails and catch up with a few patients" she informed Charlotte and Violet as she headed towards her office.

Once inside the confines of her office she let out a huge sigh, she wasn't good at being strong, she could do it, she could hold herself together but inside she was lost, she was scared and she was hurting. She closed the blinds at the windows, creating sense of calm isolation. She kicked off her shoes and lay down on the sofa, she lay her head back against the arm of the and felt her body relax as she closed her eyes. Scenes from the last 24 hours flashed across her mind, Maya, Dell, Naomi, Sam. Sam. She saw his sleepy eyes, felt his warm hands caress her shoulders. She wished they could stop time around them, just for a few hours, just long enough for them to be together, to start their relationship properly, to give into the passion they'd both been fighting for months.

Sam took a last look around the corridor, to check that he remained undetected. Sure that no one was watching he quietly slipped into Addison's office.

He was taken by surprise as he saw her stretched out on the sofa, she looked stunning; peaceful. He took quiet, careful steps towards her, sure that she was unaware of his presence.

"You'd make a rubbish burglar" Addison smiled without opening her eyes.

A grin spread across Sam's face and he stopped mid-creep in the middle of her office. They both grinned at each other as Addison opened her eyes and Sam made his way over to the sofa. He perched on the coffee table and looked down at her.

"Are you ok? It's been a pretty hard morning." He asked as he smiled down at her.

"I'm fine," she replied with a smile "I was just thinking about…" she blushed as she remembered what she had been thinking about, them, together, his hands on her body.

He smiled as he read her face, "me too" he admitted.

They both smiled. Sam slid off the table and knelt on the floor next to her, bringing his face in line with hers.

"Tonight," he began "tonight I promise it will be just you and me, no phones, no work, no patients, just you and me."

She smiled as she thought of the prospect of spending an entire night alone with him, just the two of them together, exploring their new relationship.

"Sounds good" she smiled, her voice barely a whisper as she felt his warm breath on her cheek.

"Hmm," Sam agreed as he planted a small kiss on her lips. "I'd better get back before Cooper and Pete send out a search party." He smiled as he left her and headed towards the door.


	4. Acclimatization Chapter Four:Seclusion

**Chapter Four: Seclusion**

"Right, hand over your phone" Sam demanded as he and Addison stood in the kitchen of his house.

"My phone? Sam, what if the hospital calls?" Addison protested.

"Then they will realise you're busy and call someone else" Sam said simply "Maya is fine, she's doing well and you're not on call tonight. Hand over your phone"

Addison paused for a second before riffling through her handbag.

"Ok, here" she said handing the phone over to Sam. She didn't like the thought of being disconnected from the world, from people who needed her but Sam was right, Maya and the baby were fine, they were doing well and if there was a complication it was nothing the on call surgeon couldn't cope with. Plus, she trusted Sam and, like him, she yearned for the time together they had waited for.

After Addison had handed over her phone Sam switched it off, he then took both his and Addison's phones and placed them in a drawer.

"Right, now it's just us," Sam smiled as he closed the drawer and turned to face Addison "now we can go." He smiled as he gathered up his keys and headed towards the front door.

"Go?" Addison smiled "Go where?" she asked as she followed him towards the door.

"Just somewhere no one will find us" Sam smiled as he unlocked the car.

After a short drive through the dark, warm LA night Sam pulled off the road and onto a bumpy forest track, he steered the car carefully on to a patch of gravel at the side of the road.

"This is as far as we can bring the car" he said undoing his seat belt and opening the door. Addison couldn't help but smile to herself as she heard Sam head towards the boot of the car; he had put a lot of thought into making tonight special, into making her feel special. She trusted him completely and she knew that whatever he had in store for them, wherever he was taking her, it was guaranteed to be perfect.

After a short walk along a barely trodden track the dense forest opened out to reveal the small plateaux of a large hill towering above the lights of the city.

Sam had bought all the supplies for a perfect moonlit evening, he was determined that the evening was going to be about them, time to talk, to explore; to get to know themselves as a couple.

As they lay side by side on the soft blanket Sam had stretched out across the grass Addison's thoughts wondered to their friends; to Naomi. Naomi had apologised for her behaviour, had apologised for doubting her honesty but had she meant she was ok with her and Sam getting together? Would she be ok with this?

"What are thinking about?" Sam asked as he rested his head on Addison's shoulder.

"Naomi," Addison said simply "I'm still worried she won't accept this, us"

Sam, desperate not to visit this dilemma again but at the same time wanting to sooth Addison, knelt above her, bringing their faces inline. "Don't worry about Naomi, she loves you, she loves us and she knows that we love her, she wants us to be happy.

Addison smiled, how did he always manage to make her feel so secure, she was sure it was the way he spoke; so calm yet confident. There was something calm and reassuring about his voice.

"We've got a long way to go," Sam continued thoughtfully "I don't want us to rush into things, to become like an old married couple before we've enjoyed the thrill and excitement of being together."

Addison knew exactly what he meant, she too loved the passion and the excitement that a new relationship bought and she didn't want to miss out on that. She also knew that, unlike any other man she had been with, Sam would still be there as their relationship grew, that at the base of their passionate and loving relationship was a deep and steadfast friendship.

"We need time to be us before we let other people into our world, time to enjoy each other and get used to being together" Sam continued.

Addison nodded in agreement, they would tell people when they were ready, besides, Dell's death was still raw, still painful, everyone, including them, needed time to grieve.

"We can take it slow," Sam said in his deep reassuring voice "get to know each other."

His hand started to explore her face as he spoke.

"Get to know all about each other" he continued as he ran his hand down the side of Addison's body, his touch causing a small whimper to escape her lips.

Sam moved his body over hers so that he was kneeling over her, shadowing her body with his.

Addison raised her hands and traced the curve of his spine with her fingers, it felt good to touch him, to be allowed to touch him. For the first time in months she could touch him without feeling guilty, without feeling as if she was betraying a friend- because he was hers.

Sam leaned further into her, leaving only inches between their mouths. He let out a deep uneven breath which was enough to sum up the excitement they both felt at finally being alone, finally being away from the world and on the verge of exploring each other. With a softness that caught Addison off guard Sam closed the space between their lips and enveloped her in a kiss.

Addison took a deep breath as she felt her body relax and give into the passion she had buried for so many months, there was nothing to interrupt them now, no phones, no hospital, no guilt. Just the fairy tale perfection of moonlight and a man she knew she'd always trust.


	5. Acclimatization Chapter Five:Discretion

**Chapter Five: Discretion. **

"She's perfect," Addison smiled as she handed Maya her baby "you two should be allowed home tomorrow."

"Thanks Aunt Addison" Maya smiled.

"That's ok," Addison smiled back "I'll just fill in her chart and let the nurses know…"

"No, I mean thanks for what you did, for saving us, for saving my baby."

Addison stopped what she was doing and looked down at Maya, when had she grown up so much? When had she become a woman, a mother.

"You're welcome" Addison smiled as she perched on Maya's bed beside her.

"How are my two favourite girls this morning" came Sam's voice from behind a large pink teddy bear and a bouquet of flowers.

Maya smiled as she saw her Dad, obscured by the soft toy and flowers; she hoped her daughter wouldn't inherit his height, or rather lack of it.

Sam managed to skilfully manoeuvre his way over to Maya's bed before popping out from behind the load he was carrying. He was taken by surprise as he saw Addison sitting beside Maya.

"Addison," he faltered "I didn't know you'd be here….I…"Sam was quickly searched his memories of the morning, she hadn't mentioned coming to the hospital, had she? If she had he couldn't remember, mainly due to the fact his memories of the morning consisted largely of her sprawled naked on his bathroom floor.

"I just came by to check on Maya and the baby" Addison replied calmly, she couldn't help but smile as a flustered Sam wriggled at the prospect of being caught out by his daughter.

A look of confusion appeared on Maya's face as she watched her Dad, her usually cool, calm, collected Dad squirm like a school boy. What was going on?

Eager to change the subject Sam peered down at his newborn granddaughter, she smiled up at him with a contented smile that told him that despite the trauma they'd all suffered in the last few days she was blissfully unaware of the entrance she had made to the world. She was happy, she was utterly gorgeous and Sam couldn't resist the urge to pick her up.

"There we go," he smiled down at her as he carefully cradled her in his arms "you've defiantly got your Mom's eyes" he smiled as he walked over to the bed and sat next to Maya, on the opposite side of the bed to Addison.

Addison smiled at the small bundle Sam was holding "She's gorgeous isn't she?"

Sam took his eyes off the baby for a second and looked at Addison, a huge grin plastering his face. He was sat in a room with the three most important people in his world, he had them all here, all his girls and he knew in that second there was nothing he wouldn't do for them.

"Perfect" he replied, holding Addison's gaze a little longer than was comfortable.

Maya couldn't suppress the wide eyed smile that spread across her face as she realised what was happening, her Dad and Aunt Addison? She did her best to swallow a shocked yet excited giggle as her Dad turned his attention back to the baby.

"I'd better go," Addison said, breaking the silence that accompanied the strange atmosphere in the room "I have patients."

Sam stood up as she prepared to leave.

"Will I see you later?" he asked "At the…er..practice I mean, we need to…er…" Maya smiled as Sam struggled to disguise the conversation, her Dad sure was rubbish at this.

"We need to consult on that patient" Addison finished his sentence feeling his uneasiness

"Yes, that patient, yes" Sam replied.

"Ok, I'll see you later" Addison said before leaving the room. She smiled to herself as she walked down the corridor and towards the main entrance of the hospital. If she knew Maya at all she knew that right now she would be roasting Sam on what was going on. Sam may be good at a lot of things but he sure was rubbish at being discrete.

Sam remained by Maya's side, laughing and smiling at the bundle in his arms. Maya enjoyed having her Dad beside her, she loved Dink and her Mom and she welcomed their support but they weren't her Dad, he made her feel special, made her feel safe, she knew she could trust him, no matter what. She also knew she could still get away with being his little girl.

"So are you and Aunty Addison going to move into her house or yours? She has better taste in furnishings than you." Maya grinned, it was fun seeing her Dad squirm, It was good being on the other side of their relationship, being the one with the upper hand.

"Me and Addison? What? Why would we?…" Sam was caught off guard by Maya's questioning and knew that he had been caught out, the mischievous grin on his daughter's face told him that he was well and truly sussed. He bent his head and displayed that Sam Bennett trademark grin, this was embarrassing but he had a feeling it was just about to get a whole lot worse. "It was that obvious huh?" Sam mumbled.

"Just a little," Maya smiled "you're pretty rubbish at keeping secrets Dad, you always have been."

Sam smiled, he had to admit, he was pretty useless when it came to keeping secrets.

Maya studied her Dad's face, it had a glow to it that she hadn't seen before, an excitement, a happiness, it was good to see him feeling so happy; he deserved it.

"Do you love her?" her question was more direct than she had intended and she immediately felt a twang of guilt for putting her Dad on the spot. However, the reaction on his face told her that her directness was ok, that it was a question he was ready to answer, an answer he was sure of.

The expression that invaded his face was enough to indicate his answer.

"Yes I do," he smiled "I love her."

Maya looked up at her Dad, she had never seen him like this; in love. She was pleased for him and for Addison, she felt the desire for them both to be happy. Addison had been there for her, for them all since she could remember; she was family. Her thoughts turned to her Mom, she knew how her Mom would react – at first she'd feel betrayed, feel let down but she would come round, just like she had come round about the wedding and the baby, she would come round because she loved them and she needed them and no matter what else she felt she would want them to be happy.

Maya knew her parents' relationship was over and although she felt a twang of sadness about it she knew it was for the best, they all had new lives now, her included, but they would never be alone, they'd always have each other and the memories they shared, no matter what they would always be a family.

Maya sat forward and wrapped an arm around her Dad.

"I'm pleased," she smiled "It's good to see you happy."

Sam felt warm as he realised how much his daughter's blessing meant to him, he leant down and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Just because I'm a Mom doesn't mean I'm too old to be a bridesmaid" Maya smiled enjoying the warmth of her father's touch.


	6. Chapter Six: Welcome Intruder

**Chapter Six: Welcome Intruder**

Sam tucked the bottle of wine under his arm and quietly slid the door open, she was in the kitchen, her back towards him. He smiled as he discreetly placed the wine onto the coffee table – he was getting better at this sneaking lark. He stopped momentarily and took her in; she was beautiful – he couldn't believe she was his. He only hoped that he could be everything that she wanted, that she needed, that she would see in him someone she could confide in, someone she could talk to, someone she could be herself with. He knew that there would be hurdles to conquer, that she would hide away from him, that she would try to take the world on by herself but he was going to be there – even when she thought she didn't need him he was going to be there. He made his way across her living room and into the kitchen. Unbeknownst to him Addison was well aware of his presence in the room but she didn't reveal the detection – she thought it was cute that he tried to surprise her even if he was rubbish at it. Sam carefully picked his way around the kitchen table and stood behind her. She could feel his proximity, he hadn't even touched her yet and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise in anticipation, she'd had a long day and she needed his touch to sooth her as much as excite her. Sam took a second to drink in her aroma before wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the skin of her bare shoulder.

"Hello," he whispered "hope you don't mind me breaking in, I bought wine"

"Wine? Well, in that case I won't dial 911" she smiled.

Sam planted small kisses along the length of her shoulder, working towards her neck. She emitted a small moan, clearly enjoying the attention he was paying her. Sam moved his hands from her waist and moved them up her back towards her hair, he gathered her locks in one hand, exposing the raw, soft skin on the back of her neck. Addison gripped the kitchen counter in anticipation of Sam's lips exploring her skin, how could he make her feel like this – he had barely touched her and already she felt her heartbeat quicken and her skin becoming astutely aware of the air surrounding her. She had been with men in the past that had made her feel good, men that had taken her breath away, left her wanting more but with Sam it was different, it was more than sex, it was more than love it was something deeper something she couldn't explain and something she didn't want to end. After paying close attention to the back of her neck Sam's lips moved to her right ear and gently traced the the its shape, he kept his distance barely making contact in a way he knew would make her want more. As a deep, gutteral moan escaped Addison's lips Sam couldn't hold back any longer; he had wanted to kiss her from the minute he had entered her house, no that was a lie, he had wanted to kiss her since he'd seen in her at the hospital that morning , since he had sat across the bed from her holding his granddaughter in his arms. A wave of passion washed over him as he spun her around and pushed her up onto the worktop his hands finding her thighs at the same time as his lips found hers.

"Mmm, I've been waiting to do that all day" Sam smiled as he broke their kiss and looked at Addison, letting out a deep uneven breath.

Addison smiled down at him whilst running her hands down the sides of his face and letting her hands rest on his shoulders.

"I missed you too" she smiled.

As she said it she realised just how true it was, she had been thinking about him all day. She had unexpectedly spent the majority of the day at the hospital on an emergency case and he had been busy at the practice. On hindsight, she thought, it had probably been for the best – being in the same building and pretending to be friends and colleagues was certainly a test of both of their resolves.

* * *

"I've been waiting to do that even more" Sam smiled as they both lay on the carpet in a state of happy exhaustion.

Addison smiled at his cheekiness, she had always liked that side of Sam; the boyish, cheeky part of his character that she had seen glimmers of in the past.

She smiled as she rested her head on his stomach enjoying the soothing consistency of his hands combing through her hair.

"About this morning," Sam began in a slightly awkward tone, Addison recognised the tone in his voice and was glad her face was turned away from him as a small grin spread across her face. "After you left, Maya and I talked and...well I know we didn't want anyone to know but...she...I..."

Addison smiled, she could hear something in his voice, nerves? He was nervous about telling her that Maya knew they were together? It crossed Addison's mind that Sam thought she was going to be mad at him. She had to put him out of his misery, she shifted her body and knelt beside him on the carpet.

"You always were rubbish at keeping secrets" she smiled at him.

"Addison I..." Sam's face still showed his nervousness despite her teasing.

"It's ok," she smiled "Maya knew from the minute we looked at each other, I knew she'd question you as soon as I left the room"

"You knew?" Sam was confused "And what? You're ok with it?"

Addison smiled down at him, as strong as he was he could still be a vulnerable little boy sometimes and she liked that, it made him real, it made her feel that she got more of him than anyone else, that when they were alone he was himself, he was real.

"Of course I'm ok with it, why wouldn't I be ok with your daughter knowing about us, plus Maya is stuck in a hospital bed, she needs all the gossip she can get."

Sam smiled as a sense of relief washed over him, she was ok with it; he hadn't ruined everything. He was amazed by her, no matter what she always managed to amaze him, she always managed to deliver more than he expected he had a feeling that she was letting him in, that she was opening herself up more than she ever had before, that she was taking risks and he was glad that it was with him because he loved the Addison he knew but he had an idea that there was a whole lot more of her to love too, another side to her, a secret side that she kept hidden from the world, that she kept hidden from the people she thought could hurt her but to him she was opening up, she was leaving herself vulnerable and he knew that for her it was a big thing, she was doing the thing that scared her the most; she was letting someone love her, she was letting _him_ love her.

"It's just that I thought we weren't telling people and..." Sam contintued, he wanted to know what she was thinking, how she felt about someone knowing about them.

"Well you couldn't lie to her Sam, she's your daughter, she deserves to know the truth, secrets have a way of getting out." Addison soothed, she didn't blame Sam for telling Maya- even without being there she knew he stood little chance of convincing Maya she was wrong. She didn't like secrets, the new Addison, the Addison that wasn't being scared anymore, the Addison that was allowing Sam in didn't like secrets, she didn't want to keep secrets but she wanted time with Sam, time to explore their realtionship before it was exposed to the rest of the world, time for it to become strong, for them to grow strong, to prepare for everything the world was going to throw at them. For now she wanted it to be just them but she didn't expect Sam to keep secrets from his daughter, she knew that didn't work; it hurt.

"I think we should talk to Naomi" Addison said bluntly.

"Naomi? I thought we were..." Sam started to protest, it was too early to tell Naomi, he wasn't sure they were strong enough, that Addison was strong enough – he was scared she'd change her mind.

"Maya shouldn't have to keep secrets Sam, not from her Mom, not for you, for us, we can't do that to her, we can't expect her to..."

Sam understood, he understood where this was coming from- Addison had spent a lifetime lying for The Captain, had kept secrets that she shouldn't even have known. She wanted to do things right and he understood that.

"We'll talk to her tomorrow," he said planting a kiss onAddison's forhead as he ran his hands up and down the length of her naked back. "We'll talk to her together."

Addison appreciated this, she knew it wasn't easy for Sam either, she knew that he was scared; scared that she'd change her mind if Naomi couldn't accept it but something had changed between her and Naomi at the hospital, Naomi had come back to her, she had understood, she needed her, she loved her and she hoped that she wanted her to be happy.


	7. Acclimatization Chapter Seven:Confidence

**Chapter Seven: Confidence.**

Addison took a deep breath and smoothed her dress over her hips, she wasn't ready for this; to face Naomi but she had to do it.

Sam could feel the elevator fill with tension as they stood side by side, he was nervous, he wasn't looking forward to this but he knew he had to be there for Addison what she was about to do took a lot of courage – courage that he hoped she had.

He knew Naomi might be awkward about it, that she might still resist the idea but he also knew she would come around – he knew her better than anyone else and he knew that she loved Addison and that deep down she wanted her to be happy. He knew that when it came down to it she wouldn't be able to live with herself knowing that she had deprived her best friend of a shot at happiness. He tried to swallow his nerves and remain calm as he reached down and squeezed Addison's hand.

"I'm here" he told her simply before they broke contact and waited for the elevator doors to open.

They were greeted by a slightly bewildered Pete.

"Sam, Addison," his greeting was more of a question than a welcome "Is everything ok?"

"Everything is fine Pete" Sam stated, finding himself being sincerely civil "We've just come to see Naomi, is she around?"

Naomi, of course, Pete twigged, Sam and Addison were here to talk to Naomi – the look on Addison's face couldn't hide her anxiety- they had come to tell Naomi they were together, to ask, rather pray for her blessing.

"No, she's not here- she's in Milwaukee with William, he has sister there and..." Pete began to explain.

"Naomi's not here" Sam repeated in a knowing voice. This was typical he had worked himself up to this, watched Addison work herself up and now Naomi wasn't here and not only would they have to wait, feeling it looming over them, they also had to go through it all again once she was back. Sam rubbed his hands over his head.

"Ok, thanks Pete" he said with a sigh before heading back to the elevator.

Once they were alone inside the elevator Addison let out a a frustrated sigh – she just wanted to get this over and done with, get it out in the open so that she could deal with the consequences. This was her growing up; not running away – it was going to be harder than she had first anticipated.

"Don't worry," Sam soothed "We'll tell her as soon as she gets back."

Addison nodded, she knew Sam was trying to make her feel better, trying to help her stay calm and she appreciated it – she could see how frustrated and anxious he was too and yet he was trying to calm and reassure her, putting her first.

* * *

"It will be good for all of us," Violet enthused "time for us to bond and offer support."

Violet looked around at the sea of unenthusiastic faces infront of her – she knew her news might not be met by overriding enthusiasm from all but she thought they would at least be grateful of her efforts.

"Addison, you"ll agree." Violet said as Addison walked into the kitchen.

"Agree to what?" Addison enquired as she poured herself a mug of coffee from the pot.

"A weekend away," Violet did her best to sell the idea to Addison; she really could do with the support. " A team building weekend; a chance for us all to get away and get back on track."

Addison considered Violet's proposal for a second, a team building weekend, no wonder Cooper, Charlotte and Sam were looking so unimpressed. She couldn't imagine Cooper crawling through a muddy assault course in the name of team bonding and Charlotte King having a heart to heart was even more difficult to imagine. They were all looking at her, waiting for her answer, waiting for her to save them.

"I think it's a great idea," she smiled "we'll all clear our schedules."

The whole room looked at Addison in amazement – even Violet, she didn't think Addison would agree.

"Ok, great," Violet said as a satisfied smile crept across her face "I'll go and book it."

Charlotte exited the room and although no words left her mouth her facial expression was enough to tell Addison and the rest of the room that she was less than impressed.

"Team building," said Cooper as he grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl and headed towards the door "great."

"Hmmm" commented Sam as he picked up on Cooper's less than subtle negativity.

"It will be good," smiled Addison knowing that Sam wouldn't be anymore enthusiastic than the rest of the group "lots of good, useful, happy bonding time." Addison said in an almost sing-song voice as she exited the office sipping happily at her coffee.

Team building was just what they needed and sure it was pretentious and touchy-feely and self-examining but it would also give them all a chance to be together, to talk, to come to terms with Dell's death. Plus, she felt she wanted to do something for Violet, to show that she trusted her, respected her and wanted to carry on working with her and being her friend. She wanted Violet to know that there was no bad feeling between them, that she was happy for her and Pete.

"Team building huh?" smiled Sam as he entered Addison's office.

"It will be good for us all," answered Addison quickly glancing at Sam before continuing to read the email she had started "give us all time to reflect"

"Poorly organised self help groups run by egotistical nosey women who enjoy picking at your life and telling you how theirs is so much better," grinned Sam as he made his way over towards Addison's desk, moved her keyboard and perched on the desk infront of her stationing his legs either side of her body "That's what you said the last time you were asked to go on a team bonding weekend."

"That was the old Addison," Addison couldn't help but smile at him, he never forgot anything, the occasion he was talking about was years ago in medical school "the new Addison embraces opportunities to self reflect and bond."

Sam smiled "Hmm. Nothing to do with the new Addison wanting to show Violet she's ok with Violet and Pete then."

Addison couldn't help but smile at him, she never thought she'd find someone who knew her as well as he did, he understood her, he understood her reasons and furthermore, he didn't question them.

She stood up from her chair and positioned herself directly between his legs bringing them face to face. Sam's hands instinctively found the small of her back and rested there. Addison put her arms around his neck interlacing her hands and letting her arms drape over his shoulders.

"Does the new Addison go out to dinner?" Sam asked.

"With the right man." Addison replied with a smile.

"The right man, ok" replied Sam thoughtfully "I'll send him this way if I find him."

Addison smiled at Sam's teasing, she liked that he was so confident, that he was sure of himself in a non Mark Sloan kind of way.


	8. Acclimatization Chapter Eight:Abstinence

**Chapter Eight: Abstinence.**

Sam read the same sentence for what seemed like the hundredth time, he had been looking forward to having the time to catch up on his reading; too much of his reading these days was patient notes and medical journals that his love of literature really had gone by the wayside. Yet here he was a three hour flight with nothing more to do than dive into a good book and he couldn't concentrate long enough to understand a single sentence, all he could think about was the stunning redhead sat three seats infront of him. They had decided that they weren't going to tell anyone else about their relationship until they had told Naomi and so to all intents and purposes 'they' didn't exist this weekend. Sam knew it wasn't the right time to tell people, he didn't want to tell them, he didn't want to share her; when it came to Addison he was unashamedly selfish. He could see her denim clad leg stretched out across the expensive leather seats of the Montgomery family plane. She had been dozing for the last half an hour, he wished he could doze off as easily. Her hair looked radiant against the light coloured seats and he imagined running his fingers through it like he had a few hours before as they lay in bed savouring their last few hours together before joining their friends and disguising their relationship.

As they touched down in Salt Lake City their faces, tired from the flight, could not disguise the lack of enthusiasm felt by the group. Violet, however, was anxious to make this trip beneficial and attempted to buoy everyone's spirits.

"Come on guys, when was the last time we had the chance to do something together, this is a good opportunity to get away from the Practice and..." Violet gestured wildly looking for the right words to inspire her audience.

"Violet's right," Addison intervened wanting to support Violet "we spend all our time looking after other people's families, now it is time to look after ours.."

Although her speech didn't immediately inspire confidence in the trip no one felt they could be negative towards Addison because she was right, they were a family and they needed each other.

* * *

Cooper threw his suitcase in the corner of the room and flopped down onto the bed. Charlotte placed her case on the floor and stood at the foot of the bed.

" Stop being such a whiner Cooper, ok so it's not the way any of us planned to spend the weekend but we've seen enough now to know that things don't always go to plan so you need to stop being a girl, grow up and act like a man. We're here for the weekend and there's nothing we can do about it so we're all going to have to get on with it, including you."

Cooper considered himself told, Charlotte never hesitated to tell him when he was acting like a spoilt child.

Cooper hauled himself up and joined Charlotte at the end of the bed. He moved closer to her and embraced her.

"Thank you" he said simply.

"I said act like a man Coop, not a girl" Charlotte said in what was only a half teasing voice.

"A man huh?" Cooper smiled as his hands wandered down the sides of Charlotte's body.

Charlotte reached out to grab his hands but not before allowing herself to give into the way Cooper's touch made her feel, enjoying the anticipation of ecstasy for a second.

"I need a lot more man than that" she teased "you can convince me later" she said as she pushed Cooper away and headed towards the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

Cooper reeled from her absence and sat down on the chair positioned beside the bed, how did she always manage to do it to him; tease him, he fell for it everytime. If he was honest though he liked it, he liked that she made him feel good but then denied him, that she created a constant air of expectation. However, he knew that she always followed through, that her teasing was only ever that, that later on he would indeed show her how much of a man he was and she would live up to the expectation that surrounded her.

* * *

"..and you've taken the blue rabbit, the one he..." Violet's long line of questions was her way of seeking reassurance, a part of her felt guilty for leaving Lucas, for abandoning him again, but like Pete said, it was just for the weekend, for a weekend that she needed. "Ok, I know Pete, I'm sorry I just don't want him to think I have gone again, that I would leave him twice." Violet said, she was getting better at opening up to Pete again, at making her feelings clear she knew she had to if she wanted to keep her family. "Ok, I will, Ok, love to Lucas...yes and you. Bye." Violet ended the call and removed the phone from her ear, she looked down at the phone in her hand, her means of communication with the family she cherished. Pete was right, she had to get used to going away now and again and resting safe in the knowledge that he was looking after Lucas, that he was caring for their son, that in her absence, he was looking after their family – like he had done the last time she was absent.

A tear formed in her eye as she thought of what she had put Lucas through, what she had put Pete through, what she had put them all through. She didn't consider that to be her anymore, she wasn't the same person she was when she had left after what Susan had done to her she had lost who she was and what was important. She heard Pete's voice in her head echoing the numerous late night chats they'd had over the past few months, the chats in which Pete reassured her, told her she was a good mother and that he loved her and little by little she was starting to believe it, she wanted to believe it, for herself, for Lucas and for Pete; for her family.

She threw her phone down onto the bed and put her psychologist hat on 'come on Violet, you are strong, the past is the past and the future is good, you can make it good.' She dusted herself off and headed down to the bar where they had agreed to meet once they had unpacked.

* * *

Charlotte saw Addison's form leaning against the bar as she entered the lounge area of the hotel. She hadn't always seen eye to eye with the surgeon but their relationship had grown since she'd started working at the Practice, she would never fully understand Addison, she would never understand the way she seemed to attract drama and constantly seemed to go looking for complications. She was aware of the fact that people saw her as cold-hearted and callous; the Ice Queen, but it was her way of getting through her life. Despite their differences Charlotte knew they'd both been burnt in similar ways, by men, by love, by life.

"There had better be a good supply of liquor on this trip Montgomery. If I'm going to be forced to listen to you lot whinge about your sad lives and all the drama that comes with them I am going to need plenty of liquor" Charlotte announced as she marched over to join Addison at the bar.

Addison smiled at Charlotte's directness, at first meeting Charlotte could seem harsh, distant and unfriendly and although she was never going to be a shoulder to cry on she did mellow as you got to know her and, in her own way, let you in. Her ability to take a step back and offer the voice of reason when the rest of them were too emotionally involved proved her to an invaluable member of the team.

Before Addison could respond to Charlotte's question Violet appeared behind them.

"Alcohol, exactly what I thinking after that flight." she smiled as she joined Addison and Charlotte at the bar. Despite missing Lucas she was determined that this trip was going to provide an opportunity for her to make things comfortable between her and Addison, a lot had happened to both of them and although at first she was angry at Addison for starting a relationship with Pete she had now, after talking to Pete, realised that she had no right to be angry, that neither Addison or Pete knew where she was and if she was coming back. Their lives, she now realised, did not have to stop just because hers did.

Addison smiled at Violet and made space for her at the bar.

* * *

After what turned out to be an enjoyable first evening Addison looked round the table and felt happy as she saw her friends and colleagues sharing jokes and stories, this was going to be a good weekend, if nothing else just being away from LA would be beneficial.

Just after 11pm Addison excused herself from the fun and headed up to her room. She couldn't remember the last time she had taken a holiday, a proper holiday, work always seemed to get in the way. That's not true – the old Addison avoided holidays as they only served as an opportunity to remind her of her loneliness and encourage her to think – neither of which she wanted to do. However, the new Addison would very much like a holiday, somewhere secluded, somewhere where she wasn't a world class surgeon, somewhere with Sam. She made a mental note to plan a holiday for them both sometime this year. Just as she was removing her shoes and preparing to settle down to some mindless TV she heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Addison" came a whispered voice that unmistakably belonged to Sam.

She smiled to herself as she walked towards the door and unlocked it, before it was fully open Sam hurried through like he was some kind of international spy and shut the door behind him. He wasted no time in thrusting her against the wall and hurriedly kissing her lips. Addison, although taken aback by the quickness of his kiss, wasn't surprised to see Sam at her door, she too had found it unbearably hard to abstain from kissing him all day.

She began to breath heavily as he kisses became more passionate and his lips paid close attention to the skin on her neck. After reaching her collar bone he took a step back and tried to catch his breath, Addison, also short of breath, used the wall to keep herself from crumpling to the floor.

"Sorry I didn't mean to..." a flush of red coloured Sam's cheeks "not being able to touch you, it's..."

He didn't need to continue, Addison knew exactly how he felt and showed him her understanding by abandoning the support of the wall and moving closer to him, she slipped her arms around his waist and drew him closer to her.

"This is going to be a very long weekend" she smiled.

Sam smiled in agreement, wishing he could stay longer "I have to go," he informed her "I said I'd join Cooper for a night cap before bed."

They shared one last kiss before Sam disappeared, leaving Addison feeling content; for once in her life she had a man that she could trust whole wholeheartedly, a man that she knew trusted her.


	9. Chapter Nine: Back to the wall

**Chapter Nine: Back to the wall. **

"So, as I said before, in order to know each, to understand each other you need to trust each other – only then can you work together as a successful team" Ana, the leader of the workshop, explained as she looked around the circle. She had only been working with them for an hour but it didn't take long for her to see that all their lives were inextricably intertwined, she saw it in the way they spoke to each other, the way the looked at each other but she had a feeling that they didn't know each other half as well as they though they did.

"When you get your piece of paper you need to write your answer, take your time- this isn't a test" she said as she passed the slips if paper around the circle, she had an idea they were going to need a while- she could see they weren't all that willing to open up.

"Write down what scares you most, " she reiterated as they collectively stared down at their papers "Then pass it back to me, remember these tasks are anonymous."

Cooper sighed as he looked down at the blank slip of paper in his hand – this was a waste of time, if any of them wanted to talk they had Violet...or Sheldon. Violet – she had suggested this, had wanted them to have to time together, to regroup after Dell. He thought of all the times Violet had been there for him, and the times he hadn't been there for her, the time he hadn't been there for her. He shook all thoughts of Katie from his mind, he wasn't there and, as he'd told himself a million times since, there was nothing he could do to change that, he couldn't turn back time, he couldn't heal her wounds all he could do was be there. He used to be scared of letting her down again but he had someone else now, and so did she, he had Charlotte to think about, to protect – not that Charlotte King looked like the kind of person that needed protecting from anyone or anything but people didn't see the Charlotte he saw, they didn't see the insecurities he had unearthed, they didn't know her like he did, they didn't know her. He quickly and decisively scribbled on the piece of paper and handed it back to Ana.

Once everyone had written on their piece of paper and handed it back to Ana they were instructed to form two rows with their chairs back to back. Charlotte sighed as Ana explained that they would change seats after each piece of paper was read out, giving them the chance to talk to everyone in the room. She didn't see the point of sitting back to back and discussing their problems 'anonymously' – why didn't they just get on with it, get things off their chest, the sooner they got things off their chests the sooner they could go home. However, despite her opposition to the task she was one of the first to take her seat, after giving Cooper a lecture she felt she had to be seen to be embracing the whole affair.

"Great," said Ana "now I will read each slip of paper in turn and you will have the chance to discuss what the statement means to you, to voices any of your fears, to share your feelings with each other."

Sam exhaled deeply in reply to her words, he really didn't see why they couldn't just act like grown ups and talk about things, they all spent all their lives avoiding talking about things, if they were to just stop and be open and honest to each other about their feelings they would be a lot happier and get a lot more done.

"So," Ana continued "Here is the first one for you to discuss, and remember, listening is as important as talking. I am scared of hurting the people I love," Ana's words hung in the air "just talk about how these words make you feel, what they mean to you."

There was a quiet hum as they all attempted to find something to say, something meaningful yet superficial.

"I think we all hurt the people we love in some way, it is how we know we love them" Violet said to the person sitting behind her.

"I think the more someone loves you the easier it becomes to hurt them." came Cooper's voice. Violet smiled as she realised she had been paired with Cooper, he was still the person who knew her the best.

By the time three of the pieces of paper had been read they were all finding it easier to talk, they had swapped three times and had the chance to speak to different people.

"Ok, if you can swap again please" Ana instructed.

They all swapped seats, taking the chair to the right of them. This time Cooper was paired with Addison, Charlotte with Sam and Violet with Ana.

"I'm scared of the unknown, of the things I can't control" Ana read.

"Erm... I think as doctors we will always be scared of the unknown, we like to be in control, we have to be in control, of our patients, of their illnesses and we feel that the things we can't control present a threat to us, to our ability to fix things and that scares us but it also feeds us, it keeps us looking for more, it keeps us pushing the boundaries and that is a good thing, that is what makes us all good doctors." Charlotte's voice surprised Sam, he had never heard her talk so openly, so candidly about her job, about her feelings and he had never considered the fact that he and Charlotte King shared similar thoughts and feelings.

"I think as doctors our need to fix things, to know the answers, to be in control is good, like you say it makes us good doctors but I think the problem is that we don't separate ourselves as doctors from ourselves as people and we look to control all the things in our lives, to know all the answers, to dissect and mend the things that happen to us and when we do that things fall apart because we realise we can't fix everything, we don't know all the answers." Sam replied. A silence fell between the two of them , a silence that said they understood, a silence that acknowledged the pain they both felt but a silence that also indicated that neither of them knew how to be any different, that neither of them knew how to be anything other than a doctor.

"Ok, and this is the last change" Ana announced "and then we'll get some lunch."

This statement was met with an air of relief as they moved for the final time. This time it was Cooper's turn to be paired with Ana whilst Charlotte and Violet sat back to back and Sam and Addison made the final pair at the end of the row.

"I'm scared of happiness because of my tenancy to destroy it." Ana threw the words at them, letting their impact reverberate around the room. She could tell this was a statement they could all relate to and a statement they would all want to avoid.

Addison's breathing became shallow as the words seemed to cling to her,she didn't need to turn around to know that Sam was sitting behind her, she could tell from his breathing, his smell, the way he had lowered his head when the words were read out.

"I'm scared that I'm going to run," Addison started, knowing that she owed it to Sam to talk about the way she felt "that at the first hurdle I'm going to fall, your love... our love, it scares me because it makes me happy, it makes me happier than I ever realised I could be and I'm scared that I'm going to destroy it, that I'm going to hurt you and that will make me run, I run that's what I do Sam, I..." Addison's voice came out as a whisper, partly because she wanted to keep her thoughts shielded from the other people in the room and partly because she wanted to shield herself, she had never been so honest and open with anyone and it felt strange to hear the words leaving her mouth.

Sam was glad that she couldn't see his face in that moment because she would have been very confused by the smile that was invading it. Addison might not know it but she had just made the step he had been waiting for her to take for months, she had finally admitted the thing that he knew scared her most; happiness. He knew that she had been burnt in the past, that she had played with fire and that she had ran away from the good and bad things in her life, she had tried to run from him to begin with but she had conquered the fear she had and given herself a chance to be happy. He had learnt that Addison needed someone strong, that as strong and confident as she was in the OR she was weak and vulnerable in her private life and she needed him to be strong, sometimes cruel, to make her realise that she deserved to be happy and she deserved a man that told her when she was wrong and challenged her need to run, she deserved him, she deserved happiness.

"You have to stop thinking about the past, we're doctors we know that the past cannot be undone, we see irreversible decisions made everyday. You say you're scared of happiness but you don't know what happiness is Addison because you've only ever been concerned with making other people happy, never yourself." Sam could hear Addison listening intently as he spoke, he wanted to say more, do more, he wanted to touch her, to show her what he felt, to keep her safe and happy but they both felt the constraints of the room, of the silence they both knew they had to keep.

Addison took a quick glance down the line of chairs, everyone else looked deep in thought, they had all reacted better to this than she had thought, they were all talking, bonding. Confident that no one was looking Addison moved her hand from where it rested in her lap and dropped it to the side of the chair where she knew she would find Sam's hand waiting, she slowly slipped her hand into his and felt the warmth of his palm against hers. Sam responded to her touch with a soft squeeze, acknowledging the understanding she was showing him, acknowledging the bravery she was showing him, the trust she was giving to him.

"I need to see you later," Sam whispered "alone."

Addison understood, she needed time alone with him too, they needed time to talk about the feelings they had bought up, the pain they had unearthed. She squeezed his hand in response, to tell him that she needed him too and that she would find some way for them to be alone.

"Ok, well done everyone," Ana praised.

Addison and Sam quickly released their grip on each others hand, their conversation would have to wait until later.

"It is really important to be able to talk to each other, communication is the key to good relationships. Now, I'm sure you're all eager to get some lunch, please make your way through to the lounge and you will be collected for your next session at 1pm."

With polite thank yous directed towards Ana the group dispersed into the lounge where they all had far more than lunch to digest.


	10. Chapter Ten: Breaking barriers

**Chapter Ten: Breaking barriers. **

As Cooper trudged back to his room he couldn't decide if an afternoon of rolling about in the mud pretending to care if his team managed to throw themselves over obstacles quicker than any other was better or worse than a morning spent being forced to talk about his feelings.

"Cheer up Coop, we can't all be winners" Charlotte's voice clattered him as she beat him to their room.

"It's not about winning, it's..." Cooper began to defend himself, his protest came out a little more serious than he had planned and he realised that he sounded like a bad loser.

"Whatever Coop..." Charlotte said casually as she peeled the muddy clothes from her body and headed towards the shower. She smiled to herself as she shut the door, she knew Cooper wasn't enjoying the weekend and she knew he was doing his best to give the impression that he was but she still enjoyed teasing him, still enjoyed seeing him act like a spoilt child.

Addison quickly pulled a top over her head and combed her fingers through her wet hair, grabbing her key from the dressing table she headed out of the door. She had already planned her excuses in the shower, if she was caught in the hall way she would do her best to look innocent by insisting she needed to borrow Sam's phone to check on Maya. As she had stoood under the warming shower formulating her excuses she'd realised that them spending time together was a lot less suspicious than either of them realised, they were colleagues, friends, them spending time together was natural, expected even. Still, they both knew they were hiding something and that if they were caught together there was every chance that Naomi would find out before they told her themselves and that was the one thing they wanted to avoid. Armed with her excuses Addison slipped out of her room and into the hotel corridor. She padded beside Violet's room and found herself at Sam's door. She knocked lightly, not wanting to alert anyone else to her presence. She stood patiently as she waited for Sam to open the door and allow her to slip inside the safety of the room. No reply. She knocked again, this time the door opened and a thick wall of steam hit her face. For a split second she struggled to catch her breath before the steam parted to reveal Sam clad in only a towel and the remains of the shower that Addison had interrupted. Sam smiled as he was confronted by a nervous looking Addison and was that a flash of embarrassment on her face? He grinned as he opened the door wider to let her in.

"Interesting timing" he teased, a hint of seduction in his voice.

"I...thought you'd be...I didn't.." Addison's words made her sound like a love struck school girl.

Sam stood aside to let her in, he relaxed as he inhaled the familiar smell of her clean skin. He thought back to earlier in the afternoon, to the 'team building exercise' that was the obstacle course, how had she managed to look so utterly flawless in a jumpsuit and mud?

Addison entered the room and headed towards the bed, she knew they had to talk, to continue what they had started and as difficult as it was for her she knew she had to do it, she wanted to do it, she knew that if she wanted this to work she needed to be honest with Sam and with herself.

Sam took the towel from around his waist and wiped the remaining moisture from his skin, he noticed Addison look away momentarily as he revealed his body, there was a lot for both of them to adjust to and he too had times when his body disguised the thoughts that flowed through his mind and he forgot that he had the privileges of being hers. He threw on some clothes and joined her on the edge of the bed. As he sat down beside her he took a second to take in her face, he had spent the entire weekend trying to avoid staring at her but now they were alone and he had as much time as he wanted to look at her.

"What?" Addison questioned as Sam looked intently at her.

Sam smiled in response, he loved the way her face showed her feelings, the way her eyes told a story.

"What Sam?" Addison asked again.

"How could they let you get away?" Sam's own voice surprised him, he hadn't meant to voice his thoughts.

"Sam?" Addison's question searched deeper than she had meant it to, she wasn't altogether sure she was ready to know what was behind Sam's thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I just.." Sam came tumbling back to reality where he was faced with a pensive Addison as she waited for his explanation, an explanation to a question he hadn't meant to voice, not aloud anyway. "Derek and Mark," He continued "how could they let you go, how could they stand to lose you?"

Addison sighed, she had forgotten that Sam hadn't seen the confused mess she was in New York and again in Seattle, he hadn't seen the person she had spent so long trying to forget, that he hadn't seen her hurt the people who had tried to love her, the Addison that had been too scared to be loved.

"Oh Sam," she sighed deeply "Mark, Derek, Seattle, that was a long time ago, things were different then, I was different then" Addison tried to explain. "I did things...things I regret things..." Addison struggled to explain herself, it was a struggle but she wanted to do it, wanted to do it for Sam.

Sam took her hand and moved closer to her "Shh," he demanded as he smoothed a wet, stray piece of hair from her forehead. She didn't need to say any more, he knew what had happened in Seattle, what had happened with Derek and Mark and he knew what it took her to open up to him, to begin to talk to him about it. "You have to allow yourself to be happy Addison, you deserve to be happy, no matter what has happened to you in the past, no matter what you've done you deserve to be happy."

Addison took a deep breath, this is what they were here to talk about and she was glad it was Sam who had broached the subject, she didn't know where to start.

"I...I'm not sure I even know what happiness is Sam, I mean there have been times, in the past, when I thought I was happy but if it was there it was only in moments, moments when the hurt wasn't as bad, moments when the pain was numbed by...by...sex and..." Addison felt exposed, as if she had finally begun to strip away the layers of protection she had built around herself, the layers that had become thick and hard to penetrate.

"Addison you have to trust me..." Sam began

"I do Sam I trust you, I..." Addison was quick to assure Sam

"You have to trust," Sam continued, brushing aside Addison's interruption "you have to trust that I'm not going to let you run, that when things get hard I'm not going to let you hide, let you try and bury your feelings, you have to trust that I'm going to be strong, that I'm going to be there no matter how bad it gets, you have to trust that I love you."

Sam's words sent shivers down Addison's spine as they reverberated around her body, he wanted her, he wanted to be there for her and she, she wanted him to be.

Addison leant forward and allowed her body to relax into Sam's, letting him comfort her, letting him be there for her. Sam's hands soothed her back, making small circles at the base of her spine. Addison moved closer to Sam, longing to feel his skin against hers, longing for more of the comfort he was giving. Sam held her as he lowered himself back into the pillow behind him, letting his body succumb to the comfort of the bed beneath him. Addison's body showed no signs of resistance as she followed Sam's lead and relaxed into his body, allowing her head to rest on Sam's shoulder.

"I love you too Sam" Addison whispered as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the comfort of Sam's steady breathing.

The comforting, calm silence was soon broken by a series of knocks at the door. Addison slowly opened her eyes, forgetting, for a second, where she was, forgetting that she was not at home, not in Sam's bed.

"Sam," Cooper's voice travelled through the door "Sam open up."

Reality dawned and Addison and Sam both bolted from the bed. Addison, smoothing her head as she stood, made her way over to the easy chair by the window and tried to look at casual and inconspicuous as possible.

Sam checked the room as he walked towards a door and after eliciting a nod of composure from Addison he opened the door to greet Cooper.

"Sam," Cooper stated as he walked into the room "Addison" he said taken aback by her presence. "We were waiting for you, downstairs., we..."

"Yeah, sure sorry Cooper, Addison and I we were just.." Sam cut in to save the situation from becoming anymore confusing than it needed to be.

"We were, I was just using Sam's phone to check on Maya." Addison quickly cut in, sounding a little rehearsed.

"Sure," responded Cooper, he noted a hint of something in the room, something he couldn't quite put his finger on, something strange, out of place.

"But we're ready now," Sam said in an enthusiastic voice, verbally motioning Addison to follow his lead.

"Yeah, we're ready," Addison assured moving from her chair to the doorway as the three of the exited the room "So Cooper, you were pretty good on the assault course today huh?" Addison's distracting flattery rang through the hallway as Sam shut the door behind them and the three friends headed down to the hotel bar to join Charlotte and Violet.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Beautiful Friendships

**Chapter Eleven: Beautiful Friendships.**

Addison and Sam were both glad that for the remainder of the evening Cooper was occupied with drinking copious amounts of alcohol and retelling stories of his visit to South America. Sam was grateful for the moment he and Addison had shared a few hours earlier and found it easier to relax and enjoy the company of his friends, although unlike Charlotte, Cooper and Violet. he kept his alcohol consumption minimal, preferring to endure the flight home with a clear head. As the evening drew on the group decided to enjoy the vast garden of the hotel. As Addison and Violet took the opportunity to marvel at the mountainous scenery Cooper and Sam were left sitting on the covered veranda nursing bottles of beer.

"So, you and Charlotte, it's going to happen huh?" Sam said as he took a small swig of the beer he'd been carrying around all night.

"Yeh," smiled Cooper as he took a gulp of his beer and a smile spread across his face "Me and Charlotte. There were times when I thought, well I thought we wouldn't make it, times I didn't want us to make it, times neither of us could see past the pain we were causing each other, but you know Sam it was the pain that made me realise that I love her, it was the pain that made me realise she was worth fighting for, it was the pain that made me realise I was alive and that I wanted..._needed_ Charlotte in my life."

Sam listened intently as Cooper unveiled his feelings, it had been a long time since the two of them had spoken properly, it had been a long time since any of them had spoken properly and he recognised that in its own way this weekend had been the roaring success Violet had hoped it would be.

"And you and Addison?" Cooper asked casually as he drained the remaining beer from the bottle in his hand.

"Me and Addison?" Sam blushed "I don't know...why would Addison..." Sam tripped over his words as he realised he had, once again, been rumbled.

"In you room earlier," Cooper began "there was something different, something I couldn't put my finger on but then this evening, watching you skilfully avoid each other, it all became clear, the stolen glances, the way you've both been avoiding each other."

Sam smiled as he thought of the way he and Addison had tried to be discreet, the way they'd tried to keep a secret from their friends but they should have known better than to think that their friends would be fooled, spending as much as time as they did with each other meant that they knew each other inside out. Sam's embarrassment left him speechless as he felt Cooper's eyes burning into him.

"I'm happy for you Sam, you deserve to be happy, you deserve happiness. It was hard Sam, for all of us, watching you and Naomi fall apart and feeling powerless to stop it but it was clear that it was for the best, you guys weren't happy, your marriage was over and continuing would only cause you both more hurt. We all only ever wanted to see you both happy Sam." Cooper explained, he and Sam hadn't talked much lately but he knew what his friend had been through in the past few months.

"Thanks Coop, Naomi and I, we never meant to involve our friends in our break up, it just all happened so quickly and I felt everything starting to slip away, spiral out of control but I have to believe that I did the right thing and I have to believe that Naomi will forgive me someday." Sam explained.

"I take it the secrecy is due to the fact you haven't told Naomi yet?" Cooper asked.

"Hmm" Sam smiled in response, it was all he needed to do to tell Cooper that telling Naomi was a mountain he and Addison were attempting to climb. "We know we need to tell her, _I_ know I need to tell her but she was my wife, she was my choice, for all those years it was her and there is still a part of me that, an instinctive part of me, that wants to protect her, that feels the duty to protect her from things that will hurt her and that doesn't just disappear, that doesn't just fade away but I'm with Addison now and although Naomi will always be a part of my life, a part of me, I have to do what is best for Addison, what is best for me. Naomi and I, we owe it to ourselves to try and find happiness, and Addison, she's my happiness." Sam felt good as he spoke about his feelings, as he allowed himself to be honest, as he confided in his friend. Sam thought back to the start of his relationship with Addison, they had needed each other for comfort at first but then they had grown closer, he'd grown closer to her and despite the fight they'd both put up they'd come to seek something more than comfort from each other. There had been a moment when Sam had been ready to give up, when he'd been ready to admit defeat but it had been his daughter that had made him fight, it had been seeing Maya growing up, making choices , choices that didn't always suit everyone that made him realise that everyone deserved happiness and that you had go out there and secure the happiness you wanted, you had to go out there and fight for the things and for the people that made you happy.

"Naomi will understand Sam, she'll understand that Addison makes you happy, that you can't live your life for someone else. We all have to be selfish sometimes Sam, it doesn't make us bad people." Cooper reassured his friend.

Sam nodded as he digested Cooper's words, it was good to hear someone telling him he was right, supporting him.

"Thanks" Sam said simply as he took another sip of his beer.

"Well, we've both got women who are a handful," Cooper joked breaking the tension "they'll keep us on our toes."

"Yes, they will," Sam smiled "they will."

* * *

On the other side of the garden Violet and Addison were enjoying the warmth of the night air.

"Addison, I...I just wanted to say thanks" Violet began "thanks for supporting me this weekend, for...for supporting me."

"That's ok," Addison smiled, slightly taken aback by Violet's kindness "It's been a good weekend, even if Cooper has acted like a spoilt child."

"Did you see him on the assault course?" Violet smiled.

A smile radiated from Addison's lips in reply.

"And Addison, I know I may not have shown it but I am grateful for what you did for Lucas, when I wasn't here, I am grateful." Violet's words were fuelled with honesty and compassion, an honesty that made Addison uncomfortable, she had Sam now, she was happy but the months she spent with Lucas, with Pete, were months of her life that taught her who she was, months of her life that taught her what it meant to be in a family.

"Violet I..." Addison didn't know how to respond to Violet but she knew she didn't want to continue the conversation.

"Addison, I know you don't want to talk about it, that there is still a lot better left unsaid but it is important to me to tell you that I am grateful for what you did, for the way you took care of Lucas and of Pete. I know how lucky I am to get a second chance, I know how lucky I am that there were people there to look after my baby and..." Violet meant every word she said and she wanted Addison to know that whatever had happened was in the past, that it was a long time ago and that she wanted to forget the things she had done, that she was a new person now and that being friends with Addison was something she wanted. "I hope that you...that we can have a second chance to be friends... to be..."

"Violet," Addison stopped her, she knew what it took for Violet to discuss her feelings and she wanted to offer her friend support "We don't need a second chance, we're still on the first. Whilst you were away Pete and I did what we did, we turned to each other for comfort and tried to convince ourselves we were in love, that we could be in love but deep down we both knew that it was never going to be that, it was never going to be anything more than a place to hide because what we were trying to hide from, it was too big."

Violet appreciated Addison's response, appreciated the honesty she knew Addison found hard to give and she was happy that the two of them had the chance to build a good friendship.

"So," Violet said changing the subject in an attempt to clear the awkward air that hung between them "Pete says you and Sam visited Pacific Welfare the other day, looking for Naomi."

Addison smiled, she knew from the look on her face exactly what Violet ws getting at. She knew that as a woman and an employee of Oceanside Wellness that Violet was well aware of when she had unearthed a juicy piece of gossip.

"He said you wanted to talk to Naomi about something" Violet's words came with a knowing edge that told Addison she could no longer hide.

Addison couldn't prevent a smile spreading across her face at the thought of telling the first person about her and Sam, at the thought of sharing her new and exciting relationship. The smile was enough to confirm Violet's suspicions and she too couldn't help but smile as she placed a hand on Addison's shoulder.

"That's so good Addison," Violet smiled "you and Sam, I'd never of..."

"Me neither," smiled Addison "but, I don't know, I just happened and..."

"And it feels good?"Violet asked with a smile, encouraging her to expand.

"Yeh it feels good," Addison smiled, enjoying the opportunity to voice the warm feeling that was building inside her "It feels...it feels happy, safe, it feels like with Sam I can be myself, that he's already seen me, all sides of me and he still wants me and that feels good Violet, it feels good to know I'm with a man who accepts me, all the parts of me even the parts I don't like."

* * *

Leaving Charlotte, Cooper and Violet to enjoy the bar Addison retired to the sanctuary of her room, this time the knock on her door was expected as was Sam's appearance on the other side of it. This time Sam wasn't there to talk, at that point in time there was nothing more to be said and with longing and desire he gently pushed Addison into the room before wrapping his arms around her and gently lifting her feet from the floor. As she felt her feet leave the floor Addison's arms instinctively curled around Sam's neck, feeling his pulse race against her hand. Sam's lips met hers as he invited her legs to his waist and took her weight, her kiss was warm and sweet her lipstick mixing with the sweet taste of wine. Sam felt a moan emanate from his throat as Addison tilted her head to allow him access to the skin of her neck. Sam devoured the invitation whilst carefully making his way across the room and towards her bed. Addison's body responded to support the bed offered as she felt the weight of Sam's body upon her. There were no words between them, there didn't need to be ,their bodies told each other how they felt, told them that they needed each other, that they wanted each other, that they loved each other.

* * *

The next morning Sam and Addison arrived in the foyer to find their three friends very hungover, obviously they had not called it a night early enough and their drinking had continued long into the early hours of the morning. Sam, looking around at their pale faces, congratulated himself on his ability to stay sober.

"Morning" Sam smiled with a flash of smugness spreading across his face.

The only reply he got was a grumble from Cooper who, after dragging himself from his bed had managed to shove the clothes into the suitcase he was now using as a pillow.

"The flight leaves in an our guys, we need to get to the airport, the cab will be here in five minutes." Addison informed the collective lump that was Charlotte, Cooper and Violet.

Once at the airport Sam and Addison left Charlotte, Cooper and Violet in the waiting area whilst they went to the check in desk to sort out the flight and luggage.

"They make a such a cute couple" Violet slurred, caught up in her own thoughts as Sam and Addison walked away. She immediately realised her indiscretion and raised her hand to her mouth as she saw Cooper looking at her.

"It's ok, I already know," Cooper reassured her, he had meant to gloat in the privilege of knowing some gossip Violet didn't once they were back in LA but it was obvious now that he had lost his chance.

"You knew?" Violet questioned, if she'd been in a more stable state she'd have found the energy to interrogate Cooper for the information he was holding "How did you..."

"You know for intelligent people you really can be slow sometimes." Charlotte's voice came from nowhere, her words laced with an air of frustration, she had known about Sam and Addison for months, quite possibly before they did, all the late nights, after work drinks, cosy chats it was obvious there was something going on between the two of them.

"Ok, let's get you three on the plane," Sam interrupted as he came to tell them the plane was ready. As they boarded the plane Addison took a look around at her friends, the weekend, although it probably didn't seem like it to them at that moment, was a roaring success, it had given them all time to talk and to listen and to begin to understand how the events of the last few months had burnt them all in different ways. Sam was the last to enter the plane and made his way to the seat he had occupied on the outward journey, he was about to sit down when when Violet called to him from her seat next to Addison.

"Sam, you want to swap with me?" she asked, "I don't want to put Addison through the torture of seeing me try to resist throwing up all the way home." It was a lie and everyone on the place knew it but Sam was glad of the invitation to spend the flight next to Addison and accepted Violet's offer.

Within half an hour of take off Violet, Charlotte and Cooper were happily catching up on some much needed sleep. Sam turned towards Addison and smiled, he loved their friends, they'd been through a lot together and he had a feeling that, in true keeping with their lives, they'd have a whole lot more to get through when they got home. With a happiness they hadn't felt free to feel all weekend Sam and Addison enjoyed a stolen kiss in the quiet plane as they flew back towards their LA lives with a strengthened resolve that told them they could survive anything – even the wrath of Naomi Bennett.

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this so far, please let me know if you are enjoying it and want to carry on reading it. I am enjoying writing it and am happy to carry on if there are people out there reading it.**

**Louise. **


	12. Chapter Twelve: Clearing the air,

**Chapter Twelve: Clearing the air.**

The short but decisive knock at the door immediately engaged Sam's senses, he was in that serene place between dream and reality as he lay on Addison's sofa, his head resting in her lap. Addison started to rise in response to the knock.

"It's ok I'll go" Sam said getting up from the sofa and planting a kiss on Addison's forehead as he made his way across the living room and towards the door. He stretched his arms as he approached the door, moving his shoulders to relive the stiff sensation that built up as a result of the earlier flight and lying on the sofa for the best part of the afternoon. As he opened the door he was a little surprised to see Pete standing in the doorway.

"Pete" Sam's greeting was fuelled with intrigue.

"Sam, I, is Addison home?" Pete voice came a little unsteadily, despite his acceptance of Sam and Addison, in fact despite his happiness for them it was still strange to see Sam answering the door of the house which had for the last few months been a part of him, been a part of his life, the house he had slept in, been happy in, fought in.

"Yeah sure, come in" Sam answered moving aside to allow Pete to enter the house.

Addison, having heard Pete's voice coming from the door, was already on her feet when he entered the living room. It was strange to see Pete looking like a stranger in her house.

"Addison," Pete's voice had an air of nervousness about it "it's Naomi, you need to come.."

"Naomi?" Sam's voice cut through Pete's explanation, "Naomi, is she ok?

Pete looked at Sam, this was going to be hard for him because right now Pete knew that it wasn't him that Naomi needed.

Pete looked from Sam to Addison "It's William, he's dead."

Pete's words created a heavy silence in the room and for a moment, a moment that was already all too familiar to the three of them, the world ceased to turn, tick ceased to follow tock and everything seemed to fade into sepia tone memory.

"Addison?" Sam's voice was the first to break the silence and bring everything back into focus.

'Yeah, I," Addison's mind struggled to recover from the shock as she willed her limbs to move "yeah" she said searching for her keys and phone and throwing them into her handbag.

* * *

Addison stopped momentarily outside Naomi's office, Naomi had been strong for her over and over and now it was time for her to be strong, to be there. She knew Naomi would be at work, like most great partnerships they worked because they were different, because they each offered what the other lacked, but when it came to dealing with life Addison knew all too well that they both turned to work to distract them, to drown them.

Addison pushed the office door open and entered the room. Naomi didn't react to her presence – as if her best friends arrival was inevitable. Reliable. Naomi was sat at her desk, her face totally devoid of expression, looking beyond the distance and mechanically picking chocolates from the box infront of her and placing them into her mouth. Addison moved silently to the chair at Naomi's desk, she sat down and without a word took a chocolate from the box and, in a show of silent understanding, supported her friend in a way no one else could.

"Dell baked cakes," Naomi's words came between mindless bites "when I needed to eat Dell backed cakes, good cakes." Naomi's voice started to show the signs of cracking.

"He did," Addison replied remembering the chocolate covered cake Dell used to bring "good cakes"

"He baked cakes and now I need cake and he isn't here and..." Naomi couldn't manage anymore words as she started to break down, her mind no longer able to ignore the feelings that were consuming her.

Addison got up from her chair and went to the other side of the desk, she knew there was nothing she could do, nothing she could do to bring Dell or William back but she could be there, she could be a shoulder to cry on she could be a best friend.

"It's ok," she began as she approached Naomi.

"It's not ok Addie," Naomi said getting up from her chair "it's not ok, Dell's dead because he was trying to help Maya and now William is dead, people are dying and I don't know what to do, I don't know how to cope with it," Naomi was sobbing now, "I create life Addie, I give people life, make people happy and I don't know how to deal with death I don't...don't..." Naomi tried hard to explain herself, to explain what was going on inside of her but the truth was she didn't know, she didn't know what she was feeling because it was all too raw and hard to process.

"It's ok Nae, it's ok" Addison said enveloping Naomi in hug that said she knew it wasn't ok but they had to believe that it would be.

Naomi allowed Addison to hold her, to soothe her and she let the tears she had been holding back flow and provide some relief.

"Come on," said Addison loosening her grip but keeping her arm protectively around Naomi's shoulder "let's go home."

* * *

Addison was relieved that Sam was gone by the time they got to her house, she needed time with Naomi, she wanted to be there for her.

"When did everything change Addie?" Naomi asked as the two women sat on the deck drinking much needed wine "Maya grew up, death moved in, took over, love became this complicated thing that hurt, we, we fell apart, fell away, I became a cheater... when did it all change? When did all go wrong?"

"Nothing went wrong Nae, it went different," Addison answered slightly uncomfortable in her new role as the optimistic friend "life, it didn't go as we planned, as we thought it would but you change your plans, you realise that plans well they're just that – plans not certainties, certainties are the present, the here and now and that's all we have, it's what she should work with, be grateful for, we spend so much time planning, looking into the future, imagining what life will be, what we want it to be that we forget to enjoy the here and now."

"You're right, I know you're right Addie but why does it feel like the here and now is bad, like bad things keep happening no matter what I do, no matter what choices I make, the bad things just keep rolling on in" Naomi's voice contained drink-fuelled humour, Addison knew Naomi well and she knew she had had enough to drink.

"Come on Nae, it's been a long day, you should get some sleep" Addison rose to her feet and motioned for her friend to do the same and go inside.

* * *

Sam let himself into Addison's house and made his way towards the stairs. He had been discreetly watching Addison and Naomi from his bedroom window, he was glad to see them both talking again, it was refreshing to see them both down on the deck, like old times and he smiled to himself as he thought of how familiar yet strange the scene was, the same two women, the same deck but very different circumstances. When he looked at them now it wasn't Naomi that he stared at, it wasn't Naomi's body language that seemed familiar and it wasn't Naomi's body that he saw in vivid detail when he closed his eyes. He could have opened the window, could have listened to their conversation but he kept his distance, kept the window shut because he knew that they needed a relationship without him, that their relationship was not about him, it was a relationship that had to exist without him, outside of him, despite him. Sam made his way to the top of the stairs and headed across the landing to Addison's room.

"Hi Sam," Naomi's voice came as a shock to Sam's ears, he hadn't expected her to still be in the house, he had assumed that when she and Addison had left the deck Naomi had gone home – he hadn't expected to find her in Addison's spare room.

Sam looked through the bedroom door that had been left slightly ajar to reveal Naomi lying in the double bed that Addison always insisted on keeping made up in case of guests.

"Naomi" Sam said as she entered the bedroom, his voice couldn't disguise the shock created by her unexpected presence but the absence of the need to cover his tracks and lie about his reasons for being in the house were strangely absent.

"I thought you'd gone, sorry, I..." Sam explained as he headed towards the bed.

"Shh" Naomi interrupted him as she used her head to gesture towards the chair on the other side of the room that held a curled up, sleeping Addison.

Sam looked across the room as Naomi motioned towards the chair, of course she was here, she wouldn't leave a friend, she wouldn't leave Naomi. Sam intentionally made his movements lighter and quieter as he sat down in the chair that was beside Naomi.

"I'm sorry Naomi, to hear about William, I'm sorry that..." Sam looked for the right words to say.

"It's ok Sam," Naomi managed a smile.

A stagnant silence fell between the two of them as both of them searched for the right thing to say, for something to say. Sam looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry Sam" Naomi new what she wanted to say, needed to say but there were no words that seemed to cover what had happened between them.

"Naomi..." Sam didn't want her to have to think about them now, she'd already had a tough day and raking up the past wasn't going to help.

"No, Sam, we've..._I've_ spent long enough avoiding this conversation, avoiding what has happened between us. I want to say sorry Sam, I'm sorry for the way I treated you, I'm sorry for not being there for Maya, for leaving you to deal with it all and I'm sorry for our broken marriage Sam" Naomi felt a slight relief as the words left her mouth, words that she'd wanted to say for a long time.

"Our marriage wasn't broken Naomi, I don't believe it was broken, I can't believe it was broken because I look at our daughter, our beautiful daughter as she holds our granddaughter in her arms and I know, I _believe_ that we had a wonderful marriage, a marriage that showed us happiness and love and I know that it wasn't perfect Naomi and I know it couldn't have lasted any longer, _we _couldn't have lasted any longer but we didn't break anything Naomi, we made things, we made a daughter and we will share her, all parts of her, for the rest of our lives. We were a team Nae, a good team and that doesn't have to stop because we stopped loving each other, because we stopped communicating, stopped fighting." Sam felt the air start to re-enter his lungs as the words left his mouth and entered the stillness of the room.

"Sam," Naomi touched Sam's arm as she digested his words, made sense of what he'd said, this conversation had been a long time coming and she was glad that they had cleared the air, started to clear the air. "I know what we had was real and I don't regret it, I'll never regret it, what we did, breaking up, it was for the best, we loved each other enough to let each other go, to have a chance at finding happiness."

Sam nodded in response.

"You have to look after her," Naomi took a deep breath as she changed the subject "you have to look after her because she runs, she hides, she tries to pretend that the bad things will go away if she ignores them"

Sam smiled as he realised that Naomi was talking about Addison, that at the same time as giving him her blessing she was also warning him against hurting her best friend.

"I'll take care of her," Sam smiled. "Thank you" Sam's thanks didn't need any further explanation, he knew what it had taken Naomi to get to this point, he knew that it had been hard for her to accept his and Addison's relationship but he also knew that she understood the happiness they had found in each other.

"Goodnight Sam" Naomi said as she settled her head back into the pillow.

"Good night Naomi" Sam replied with a smile of both comfort and understanding as he left the chair at her side.

Sam made his way around the foot of the bed and over to the chair where Addison was sleeping, she hadn't left her friend, she'd been there, she'd taken care of her and now it was time for him to take care of her. He slid one arm underneath her bare knees and the other supported her back as he lifted her out of the chair. He held her close as he navigated his way towards the bedroom door. Once out on the landing he used his foot to close the door before carrying Addison into her bedroom and placing her on the bed.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Towards Absolution

**Chapter Thirteen: Towards Absolution**

"I'm sorry I can't come with you but as annoying as my brother can be he has been shot so visiting him is the least I can do, although I'm sure I'll regret going the minute I get there." Amelia's voice had a tone of experience to it, as if a visit to Derek Shepard always resulted in regret gun shot wound or not.

"It's ok, you should be with Derek, he'll want to know you care, he'll need to know you care to help him recover, something like being shot makes you reassess, makes you remember what is important and he's going to want to see his family." Addison replied as she took a sip from her glass of wine. The news of what had happened to Derek had reached Addison via Callie and it had fell to her to tell Amelia. Amelia responded with a calmness that Addison had expected. Amelia and Derek didn't communicate, they didn't talk because they both feared that if they started talking then eventually they'd have to talk about what they saw, about their Dad, about a death that drove them both in the same direction but along very different routes.

"Will give me the chance to check out this twelve year old of his anyway" Amelia smiled, choosing to ignore Addison's comment about Derek needing her – Derek didn't need anyone, he never did, he always did things his way.

"Meredith?" Addison's voice had a slight tone of amusement to it as she remembered her trip to Seattle to visit Derek and his twelve year old. "She's...well...Meredith...she's complicated but she's a good person really, she's just a bad person in my story."

Addison's own words took her a little by surprise, she really was starting to evolve she thought with a smile. The life she'd tried to live in Seattle was a long way behind her now, she had been searching for happiness in the wrong place.

Addison didn't mention the post-it marriage – she thought that was something Amelia should find out for herself. Plus, she wasn't sure it was common knowledge, she only knew because of Callie's excellent ear for gossip.

**

* * *

**

"You don't have to come honey, if you're not feeling up to it..." Naomi's voice was soft and full of concern.

"Mom, I've told you, I'm fine, I want to go, I want to go for Dell, I want to say goodbye." Maya responded to her Mom's overprotection. She knew her Mom was only thinking of her, trying to do what she thought was best for her but she wanted to say goodbye, she had to say goodbye.

Violet saw Naomi and Maya in the kitchen and went to join them and wait for the others to arrive. Today had been her idea, she knew the importance of closure, of giving everyone an opportunity to grieve. Due to the absence of any family it had naturally fallen to them to make arrangements for Dell. They had decided that a traditional funeral wouldn't reflect Dell, he enjoyed life, he'd not always had it easy but he loved his job, the practice and Betsy, a funeral wouldn't reflect the life Dell lived. They'd had his body cremated shortly after his death and the urn containing his ashes had been in Violet's office ever since. It was a way of him being there, still being a part of them, of the practice but they couldn't keep him there forever, they couldn't bury their grief in an urn of ashes, it was time to accept his death, to grieve and to set Dell free.

Violet had suggested a spot near Colchuck Lake where he'd spent a weekend camping with Betsy the previous summer. Dell had told her he'd felt the place had an air of tranquillity that allowed him to think, helped him to put things into perspective, it was a place he felt happiness, a place he'd always remember, a place he'd shared with his daughter. Everyone agreed that Lake Colchuck was where they should scatter his ashes and that they'd all fly to Tacoma and visit the spot together.

"Maya, I didn't expect to see you here, are you sure you're up to..." Sam said as he entered the room.

"Morning to you too Daddy." Maya responded, she knew her parents were only trying to protect her and so tried not to sound too annoyed with Sam for expressing his concern "I'm fine, I promise."

"Ok, it's up to you but if you're feeling ill I'm taking you straight home" Sam said as he bent down to plant a kiss on Maya's head. Sam flashed a smile at Naomi and Violet as he moved to find himself a seat, he caught sight of the urn sitting on the table.

"Is that?" Sam asked motioning towards the urn.

"Yep, that's Dell" Violet replied.

"Right" nodded Sam, momentarily aware of what the urn represented, that Dell was in there, that a life can fit into a pot.

"Where's Addison?" Violet asked.

"She's checking on a patient, she'll meet us at the airport." Sam replied.

It was still a bit strange for Naomi to think that Sam and Addison had woken up next to each other that morning, that they'd made plans together, that they knew each others whereabouts all the time, it was strange but she was determined to get used to it. Naomi's train of thought was interrupted by a crashing sound in the lobby. Everyone looked in the direction of the sound as they wondered what had made the noise. Their question was soon answered as Dink appeared at the kitchen door pushing a heavily laden pram.

"Sorry, I haven't quite go the hang of steering this thing yet" he apologised as, much to Naomi's surprise, he entered the room.

Maya stood up with a smile and looked into the pram at her sleeping daughter.

"Dink?" Sam said a little surprised and a lot confused "Is everything ok? What are you doing here?

"I asked him to come," Maya replied letting Dink off the hook "I asked him to bring Cora so she could come with us."

"Maya, no, she's too young, she's..." Naomi's protests were exactly what Maya had expected and also the reason Maya hadn't bought Cora straight to the practice, she had intended to talk to her Mom before Dink arrived but she hadn't had the chance because Naomi had been downstairs for the majority of the time they'd been there.

"Mom, I'm doing this, Dell helped me through every step of my pregnancy, he was always there Mom, always" Maya's last words caused a twang of pain in Naomi's chest. Dell had been there, even when she wasn't, even when she'd turned her back on her own child Dell was there.

"Ok" Naomi said softly as she nodded. She had to remember that Maya was her own person now, she was a mother and Naomi had to let her do things her own way, all she could do was be there and she promised herself that no matter what she'd always be there, she'd never leave her child again.

Within the hour Charlotte and Cooper had arrived and they were heading over to the airport.

* * *

The flight passed in relative silence, everyone was lost in their own thoughts, thinking about Dell, about what he had done for the practice and how Betsy had lost both parents at such a young age. Cooper was glad she wasn't old enough to have to deal with the aftermath of her fathers death, he was glad she was young enough to be spared the trip they were making right now. Violet thought about the small vile of ashes she'd hidden at the back of her desk drawer, she wanted something to give Betsy when she came looking for her Dad, for his life and what he had been. She would, one day when she was old enough to realise what had happened to her she would come looking for him and would ultimately end up at the practice and she wanted something to give her, a part of Dell she deserved, that she had a right to, that Violet knew she'd need.

Once in Tacoma Amelia said goodbye to Addison and the others and hailed a cab to take her to the hospital.

"Remember, he needs you," Addison reminded Amelia as she hugged her goodbye "he might not know it, but he needs you."

"Thanks," smiled Amelia pulling out of their hug. "I'll see you back in LA"

As Addison watched Amelia get into the taxi and head towards Seattle Grace she couldn't help but think of the wet afternoon she'd spent making the same journey. The way she had sat in the back of the taxi telling herself to be strong, telling herself that once she had explained things to Derek he would see that she had changed, that she had learnt from the mistakes she had made and he would take her back. He would take her back out of pity, out of guilt but once he was with her he'd see that he'd really taken her back out of love, that he loved her, if he could see her, see how sorry she was she knew she'd be able to change his mind, they were Addison and Derek, they had to make it. She smiled now as she realised that there was never any chance of them fixing things that she had broken something that was already damaged, that she had turned to Mark because her and Derek were already falling apart but neither of them wanted to admit it, neither of them wanted to admit failure, neither of them wanted to be alone. She looked over the road to where Sam was helping Maya to load the baby things into the car he'd hired- she had a new life now, a life which allowed her to be open and to be honest, to be herself. She knew that her past didn't matter to Sam, he didn't care who she'd been in the past, he was interested in who she was now, he loved who she was now and he trusted her and more importantly he gave her the confidence to trust herself, to know that she wasn't going to cheat on him, that she wasn't going to do anything to hurt him.

"Addison" Pete's voice floated across the road bringing her out of her daydream "are you ok? We need to get going"

Without a word Addison crossed the road and joined her friends at the car, they had a hard day ahead of them, a day none of them ever imagined they'd have to live but they had each other and they owed it to Dell to support each other and celebrate his life.


End file.
